Sunday evening, I was supposed to start my art and my mother came to me with the question (there are few fixed questions just like all mothers ask their children) what do you want to eat? (But the reality is she always going to ask this question to all family members but end of the day she’ll cook that what she actually wanted to cook, I think this is every household’s story) And as always I ended up with the same old answer IDN (I don’t know), Where you want to go? Again IDN, What do you want to do? IDN….this infinite questions (But in FRIENDS Monica always says I know… and at that time I feel like what?)
Jokes apart, if you don’t know what you want, know that you cannot find it if you continue focusing on the fact that you don’t know what you want. You are preventing the answer from coming into your head. You are blocking yourself from finding opportunities that will take you to what you want.
Instead, start focusing on the feeling of already knowing what you actually want. It doesn’t matter if you don’t really know what that is. Think how it would feel if, right now, you found out what it is that you want. What would you feel about knowing that the thing you want was already happening to you?
This is shifting your thoughts, in a way that works for you.
What you’ll do to know what you want… if you ask me I’ll say shift your thoughts. Shifting your thoughts is giving yourself the opportunity to choose your own thoughts. The ones that work on your behalf. Not against you. Shifting thoughts is nothing less than:
– Paying attention to the thoughts you have throughout the day,
– Notice the thoughts you find that do no good to you
– Replace those thoughts with better thoughts, and
– Repeat
It is crucial we do this. By constantly thinking ‘I have no idea what I want’… ‘I’m stuck’… I don’t know where to start’ etc., you will only prevent yourself from evolving from that stage. Instead, try having thoughts like ‘I am on my way to find what I want’. It not only feels better to think this way. You will literally allow yourself to find ways that lead you to what you want.
One of the best emotions you can feel to know what you want is envy.
Envy is such a misunderstood emotion (trust me). It is considered as a bad emotion. But feelings of envy are great indicators of what we actually want.
What I think is, there are no good or bad emotions. These are just some of the labels we made to try to understand what we feel. Our emotions are simply the compass we have to know if we are OK or if we need to change something (but just keep one thing in mind that it’s always okay not be okay). When we resist or avoid or escape the emotions we consider as bad, we are sabotaging ourselves and just because of that those emotions will eventually come back, again and again, until we pay attention to them (just like my drama queen, such an attention seeker).
By knowing this, think to yourself (as an example):
How does it feel like when you go to your job? Does it inspire you? Is it exciting? Are you currently in your job because it makes you feel secure?
See how it feels when you answer these questions. If any of them make you feel uncomfortable emotions, there is something wrong.
Change it! And that will lead you to what you want.
What about breaking the boundaries (obviously it’s not that easy but it’s all about coming out from #theComfortzone) Imagine there are no limits or you can have anything. Dream big. Forget about what your parents (but always be a responsible child) or this society want you to want.
What is it that you want? (Just be selfish, a little bit for you)
If you are living other people’s wants, you will never find yours (Just like, Oh beta, you’re 31…it’s time for marriage and when you’ll have a baby and bla bla bla…Oh God, Give me break duh! ). If you are convinced that you cannot have what you want, you will never get it. If you think you are not capable of reaching what you want, your first step is to break that thought. Otherwise, your mind will be stuck (just like those uncles and aunties stuck on only one single topic…).
This happens because, on one hand, you want something badly, but on the other hand you believe you can never get it, for so and so reason. Your mind gets confused and it will take you nowhere (but thank god for coffee who always opens the door for me).
When you believe what you want is possible and you deserve it, you will be commanding your mind to find it. Be realistic, though, in case you want to fly or be invisible (respect the natural laws).
Why do we want this or that? Have you ever thought about it?
The why is it crucial? The why is it make you get out of bed every morning with a sense of purpose? So when you think, for instance, “I want a lot of money in my bank account”, what you really want is not the money itself. Money is nothing else than paper coming from trees and made by machines. What you really want is what money can give you. What you can do with it. And this is your WHY.
The stronger the good emotion you feel when you think about your Why, the better you know what it that you want is.
If what you want is someone to love you, and you already have a specific person in your mind from whom you want that love to come from, stop! We can’t possibly force anyone to love us. We don’t work that way. But again, if what you really want is this person to love you, ask yourself why. The answer may be because you want to feel loved, protected. So focus on how it would feel like if you already felt good, happy, loved and protected. Make your mind look for opportunities that can give you that.
You are allowed to change your mind about what you want. This is something natural to happen, we humans are always changing and evolving. You also have to know that when you get to your desired top of the mountain and get what you want, you will want something else (never ending wishes).
Life is a journey so enjoy it! (Because this is the only option, let me know if there is any other option)
We all always know what we don’t want. And that’s a good start. You can’t get it wrong — as long as you’re always improving yourself and your life, instead of going backwards.
Buona fortuna !